I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
