your parents love me but you hate me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
