Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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