Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
