I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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