i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize