how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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