i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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