Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
