3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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