wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's always time for handjobs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
