Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
