Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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