Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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