Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
