I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
