I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
