ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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