and she was petting her beer can
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
