so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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