K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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