Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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