The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
