I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
