Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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