my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
