So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
