Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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