she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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