I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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