Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
