Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
