hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
