Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
