I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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