My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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