Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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