I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
