I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
