conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
