is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
