i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
