hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize