awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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