I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
