she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
