There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
