omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
