Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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