I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
