at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize