I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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