im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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