I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just pee around me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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