His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
