Pants 0. Shit 1.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
