Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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