You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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