i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
