I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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