put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
