from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
