rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
