We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
