Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
