I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
