he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
