Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
