The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
