wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize