I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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