You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
