I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize