Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
