id be glad to
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
