just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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